Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Maybe



I know, I know. I have sadly failed at doing this daily. And half the time, I stray off topic. Like I'm about to do now......


I am finding it very hard to "be the change". I am finding myself increasingly bitter this week and the worst part is that I am VERY, VERY aware of it. It's terrible: it's like sitting back and consciously choosing to be a hypocrite. What is wrong with me? I simply must get a grip!


Some good would surely come out of this week though, right?


Someone started quite the argument with me earlier in the week. I was angry, I admit, then hurt, then, I just tried to find the bigger picture. Okay, so if I look at it from the nosebleed sectione, I may have opened myself up for the disagreement, although the other person lacked tact in every form of the word. And it did really hurt my feelings but then I thought, what was the other person feeling at the time? Maybe they were already hurt by something, maybe they were having a bad day, perhaps their life was full of disappointment at the time and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and they chose me to lash out at. And maybe they realized it all but just don't have it in them to apologize. Maybe. The disturbing thing to me is that this is the third time that this has happened in the last month or so. Am I just prone to being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Is it my fault? Do I ask for it? Bring it on myself? I don't really know what the moral of this story is. Perhaps that, when you most want to lash out, be angry, upset, you should just take a step back and put on the other person's shoes for a moment. Maybe it's not you that they are attacking at all, you were just standing in the doorway when they were trying to get out. Maybe the moral for me is that I was in that place, at that time, for a reason and I'd like to think that the reason is that those people needed to hate for just moment and maybe I was there because I can take it, I can forgive them for it, I can know that God placed me right there, right then to be that person, and in the end, no one got hurt (except me, but just for a little bit). It's a definite maybe.


"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." H. Moore


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