Thursday, March 4, 2010

A list

Today is a beautiful day. I am still standing my ground on the opinion that there is no better place to wake up to in the morning, even when it's snowing or raining. That was certainly not the case today. Crystal clear blue skies, snow beaming off the peaks. Deer droppings on the stairs into my office, elk are making the morning drive, uh...eventful? There is even a hint of spring in the air today. Eves dripping, muddy boots, robins. I learned earlier in life not to take these things for granted so in spite of the hard knocks in life, I am thankful for all of it. Today as I write the sound of singing voices of people from all walks of life and all denominations are filling the halls. Sometimes I laugh at the way the sun beaming though the stained glass windows makes people's hair turn funny colors in the mornings but it is a representation of how they are different on the inside too. Yet, on this day, they have come together to pray for you, for all of you, no matter who you are, where you come from or what color your hair is.

Today, I decided to start a list. I list of names and occasions that someone said something to me that made me feel good, worthy, needed. A simple list of names and dates and nothing more. No bad things, no bad feelings, none of those instances where someone made me angry, belittled, worthless, those things aren't worth keeping track of....only good things.

Why. I started a list because I need to remember and be constantly reminded that I am not perfect but I am still worth it. Because I am often broken but worth fixing. Because I am sometimes at my worst but still deserve the best. Because that's what I'll do in return. Because I'll always accept you for who you are even when you won't do it for me. Because I know that maybe you're dealing with something I could never fathom, and maybe I am too. Because in my weakest moment I am stronger than you could ever imagine. And I am not afraid. I know that I am doing the best I can, I know I am doing good things, and I know that I am right where I want to be and things will always get better, even if they get worse beforehand. It's all part of the journey and although I may be unprepared for it now, preparedness comes out of necessity.

In the meantime, know that this small group of people is still praying....for you, for me, for everyone.

I started a list because I need to remember.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait.

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