Sunday, October 17, 2010

Thursday, September 30, 2010

BlogJam :0)

Blogjam! So funny! Today, I was complaining because I had writers block, which didn't seem fitting because when you blog, you don't actually "write". Anyway, I proudly proclaimed I had something along the lines of bloglock or blogblock and a very clever person immediately replied "BLOGJAM"! Why don't I think of such clever things? Whether she likes it or not, I have staked my claim in her funny word and I shall treasure it forever! Besides, "blogjam" has officially unjammed my "blogblock"! Fantastical! (That one really is mine :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

And today's topic is.....






















Nothin' but pictures! Writing is not the chosen form of expression this week so here's a "filler"! Hope you enjoy!






Wednesday, March 17, 2010

St. Patrick

Today is St. Patrick's Day, my second favorite holiday...and it IS a holiday. I love this day of green, I love dressing up in green clothes and green jewels, putting shamrocks on my face and beads around my neck and taking in a parade! I simply love it. It's a sense of identity in a way, but in others, leaves a hollow feeling that maybe I don't really know who I am or where I come from. St. Patrick knew though. He new who he was born to, who he was taken from, who comforted him and never left his side during his years enslaved in Ireland. He carefully planned his mission in life during his imprisonment so that when he finally escaped, he could dedicate all his remaining life to God. I often wonder what kind of man he appeared to be. What Pagan villagers thought when this stranger appeared, guided by angels, and told them the stories of Christ, how he lived, how he died, how he was resurrected, and how he would be there salvation. Think about it, if someone wandered into your house going on about how he banished all the snakes from the land, you would call the police and he would be hauled off to the nut house. But St. Patrick had a gift. St. Patrick...had God. And somehow converted an entire country to Christianity. If only, we all had St. Patrick's drive. If only we all knew the exact path we are suppose to take and exactly what we are suppose to be doing. St. Patrick was blessed beyond belief. He had the blessing of certainty.



May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Okay, so just vent for a second

I sincerely believe that in general, people are good. The world is not as overrun with bad people as we think, even though that is all we ever see or hear about via the communication tools we all carry in our pockets. In general, people are still good. I arrived at this conclusion after many long hours of wondering "why". Why I wasn't mentioned, why I wasn't invited, why I wasn't important enough, why I didn't come first, or even second, why I didn't matter, why I wasn't worth it, why no one cared, why no one helped, why no one complimented or even noticed, why, when searching for happiness, there is only hopelessness. Self pity is optional but I think, sometimes crucially important. It puts things in perspective. It brings a sense of humbleness. It makes us real, makes us feel something, even if it's bad. The same goes for anger. I don't like being angry but sometimes, it feels good to be angry. It especially feels good to do something about it, then feel bad and back to the pity party. Whatever. It's all sadly necessary to feel alive. It's purposeful, if only to force you to strive toward better things and make you appreciate them with a heart so full it could explode. Anger which leads you to humbling forgiveness. Pity which lifts you to being elated with the simple things that come unexpectedly. It's all relevant, it makes you alive. So don't feel bad about it. The payoff is extensive because I know I am worth it, even if I'm the only one who is ever brave enough to show it. Most people are good, including me.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A list


Today is a beautiful day. I am still standing my ground on the opinion that there is no better place to wake up to in the morning, even when it's snowing or raining. That was certainly not the case today. Crystal clear blue skies, snow beaming off the peaks. Deer droppings on the stairs into my office, elk are making the morning drive, uh...eventful? There is even a hint of spring in the air today. Eves dripping, muddy boots, robins. I learned earlier in life not to take these things for granted so in spite of the hard knocks in life, I am thankful for all of it. Today as I write the sound of singing voices of people from all walks of life and all denominations are filling the halls. Sometimes I laugh at the way the sun beaming though the stained glass windows makes people's hair turn funny colors in the mornings but it is a representation of how they are different on the inside too. Yet, on this day, they have come together to pray for you, for all of you, no matter who you are, where you come from or what color your hair is.

Today, I decided to start a list. I list of names and occasions that someone said something to me that made me feel good, worthy, needed. A simple list of names and dates and nothing more. No bad things, no bad feelings, none of those instances where someone made me angry, belittled, worthless, those things aren't worth keeping track of....only good things.

Why. I started a list because I need to remember and be constantly reminded that I am not perfect but I am still worth it. Because I am often broken but worth fixing. Because I am sometimes at my worst but still deserve the best. Because that's what I'll do in return. Because I'll always accept you for who you are even when you won't do it for me. Because I know that maybe you're dealing with something I could never fathom, and maybe I am too. Because in my weakest moment I am stronger than you could ever imagine. And I am not afraid. I know that I am doing the best I can, I know I am doing good things, and I know that I am right where I want to be and things will always get better, even if they get worse beforehand. It's all part of the journey and although I may be unprepared for it now, preparedness comes out of necessity.

In the meantime, know that this small group of people is still praying....for you, for me, for everyone.

I started a list because I need to remember.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Maybe



I know, I know. I have sadly failed at doing this daily. And half the time, I stray off topic. Like I'm about to do now......


I am finding it very hard to "be the change". I am finding myself increasingly bitter this week and the worst part is that I am VERY, VERY aware of it. It's terrible: it's like sitting back and consciously choosing to be a hypocrite. What is wrong with me? I simply must get a grip!


Some good would surely come out of this week though, right?


Someone started quite the argument with me earlier in the week. I was angry, I admit, then hurt, then, I just tried to find the bigger picture. Okay, so if I look at it from the nosebleed sectione, I may have opened myself up for the disagreement, although the other person lacked tact in every form of the word. And it did really hurt my feelings but then I thought, what was the other person feeling at the time? Maybe they were already hurt by something, maybe they were having a bad day, perhaps their life was full of disappointment at the time and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and they chose me to lash out at. And maybe they realized it all but just don't have it in them to apologize. Maybe. The disturbing thing to me is that this is the third time that this has happened in the last month or so. Am I just prone to being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Is it my fault? Do I ask for it? Bring it on myself? I don't really know what the moral of this story is. Perhaps that, when you most want to lash out, be angry, upset, you should just take a step back and put on the other person's shoes for a moment. Maybe it's not you that they are attacking at all, you were just standing in the doorway when they were trying to get out. Maybe the moral for me is that I was in that place, at that time, for a reason and I'd like to think that the reason is that those people needed to hate for just moment and maybe I was there because I can take it, I can forgive them for it, I can know that God placed me right there, right then to be that person, and in the end, no one got hurt (except me, but just for a little bit). It's a definite maybe.


"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." H. Moore


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I want Microwave Spirituality


Yes! That's right. I want Microwave Spirituality. I do not want to wait for the oven to warm up, the bread to rise, the dish to bake. I want to hit the minute button and I want satisfaction, fulfillment and peace, and I want it now!



It's a catchy phrase. I admit, I like it. But can you get it? Is that instant gratification available from God? I think it might be.




Outreach update: in very vague terms of course: "Small group of people" ~ rockin' the town! Saving 67 families in one way or another from the forces against them at the time and helping to hold them together. Again, I can't go into details but just know that my small group of people is changing the world, one person at a time, they are healing the world, one heart at a time, they are healing themselves through it all.



Maybe Microwave Spirituality is not so far fetched after all.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Uphill


This morning, Saturday, a day off, I awoke earlier than usual. I simply despise "body clocks"...they are evil! But again, it is beautiful and my annoyance quickly turns to delight when I open all the curtains and see (just like every day) the most beautiful landscape in the world. My delight thickens knowing I can at least stay in my jammies as long as I see fit today. My husband left early this morning for competition and left the coffee pot half full and hot, another delight. I went upstairs, the view is better from the loft, and quietly planned the day out in my head-"first, blog, you didn't do it yesterday." (I had writers block yesterday.) Anyway, looking out, I realize, the view never changes here, technically, but every day it does look a little different. Different clouds, different light, sun rising at just a slightly different place on the mountain than it did the morning before. I cherish these moments. Especially because you never know when you may wake up to nothing but white falling from the sky and piled three feet high on the ground. Those are wonderful days too, just a different sort of wonderful.

I initially intended this blog be about a "small group of people" in a "small land-locked town". I had a certain group in mind but I found yesterday that I will have to expand it here and there. Still within the town though, of course. As you may have noticed, hope what at a minimum for me on Thursday. But once again, just when I thought there was no hope, someone comes along and proves me wrong and makes me feel like a dummy for thinking so in the first place. And I will admit, that I am okay with that. In your darkest hour, help appears, in some form another. Little by little it is for me. The road ahead is always long, always rocky in places, has many uphills, but for every uphill, there is a down hill, and the rocks can't go on forever. It is sometimes hard to always do the right thing but I'm here to tell you, it's the payoff in the end that matters and it's not hard to get!


Whether you turn to the left or the right, there is always a voice behind you saying "This is the way, walk in it"

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Inventory


I cannot lie...today was a terrible day. For many reasons and from many directions, today was a terrible day. I spend an very unhealthy amount of energy today just choking back tears. I will not go into it too much but the fact is that life is not fair and things happen to us that are beyond our control, no one is to blame, but we are sometimes just left to pick up the pieces anyway.

"All things shall pass."

Today, I also took inventory. I took inventory of myself and let me tell you, there are some overstocked shelves, some lacking shelves and some just plain empty shelves. This is good though. I am thankful for my full shelves, for I can share with others and I am humbled by my empty shelves, I will make a plan to fill them up again. It may take a while but I know that everything I need each day will somehow be there on those shelves when I go to reach for it. Even when I doubt, even when I do not know how to pray, somehow when I reach, something or someone, always quietly appears.
"We have so much room for improvement. Every aspect of our lives must be subjected to an inventory... of how we are taking responsibility." 

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Whispy...



This morning, as the dawn broke, there were some of those "whispy" clouds on the horizon. That's one good thing about it still being dark at 6:30 AM. "Whispy" kinda set the tone for the whole day. Full, clouded, unorganized, ever-changing, whispy. It seemed to be effecting everyone else too. The school bus drivers, my kid, the traffic light, the elk taking their sweet time crossing the highway while some hurried drivers honked and other "touristy" drivers scrambled for cameras nearly killing the rest of us. My desk awaited me, clean, as always, and the phone blinked "messages". Others amidst their own whispy lives, in need of a long list of things. Volunteers fluttered in and out. A family's home was saved today, we gave their daughter a doll, handmade with love. Every stitch pulled tight with a warm heart knowing each the finished dolls would provide comfort to a little person who's family was in crisis....hopefully she doesn't know it-her parents do though, it's hard for them to hide it from me. It's okay though, it will all be okay.


There have been times in my life that, on days like today, I would have found it hard to find anything in life to be thankful for. Sometimes, it is still a struggle. After all, it does seem that the cards are all stacked against us all of the sudden.


But I have the most the rewarding job in the world, a job that makes me more thankful every day. What is more rewarding than that?


I count my whispy days as blessings as well, they are all part of the plan.